too bad he'll never read it

It shouldn't be this hard. No one told me I would feel like this.
Almost 3 months later I should NOT be crying myself to sleep at night.
I'm young & female; I should be having the time of my life.
I'm not tied down. I'm free which is what I wanted all along.
So why the hell do I still love you?
Why the hell are you everywhere I turn?
Every song on my iPod, every tiny red sidekick, every goddamn thing I write
somehow you're still there.
You're sitting in the same room as I type this.
I can feel the tension
How can you pretend like nothing's wrong?
How do you walk by me like I'm just another passing stranger?
After everything that happened, how is it possible for you to feel nothing at all?!!
I'm sorry I just don't understand.
You were my best friend
My soulmate
You were my everything
I don't think it's possible for you to be my nothing
All I want to do is talk
I want to know what's going on in that steel-cage mind of yours
Please, I'm begging you.
Just hear me out.
Until then, I'll just sit back.
I'll give you your space.
Just know,
when I told you forever,
I meant it.

Not my words....

My heart was made of broken bones
My Soul's a bag of stick & stone
And out along this dusty road
You have come my love to take me home
I give to you my everything
You've given me this loving wings
And angels have all gathered round
to hear me sing my love out loud
You lightly lifted me away
Out of a darkness, cold & gray
And I work beneath the midday sun
My cool blue water you have come
I give to you my everything
You've given me these loving wings
And angels have all gathered round
to hear me sing my love out loud
So take your place here next to me
And I'll take my place here next to thee
An no matter how far we may roam
It's by your side I make my home
I give to you my everything
You've given me these loving wings
And angels have all gathered round
to hear me sing my love out loud
Oh...
---♥---
[Loving Wings- DMB]

like broken glass.

Something's not right.
Do you feel it too?
The balance is off.
The smiles aren't true.
Nothing feels right
around every damn corner
never ceasing reminders...
blue & green
too far apart
The sun turned his back on the moon.
The stars don't twinkle
like they did before
No longer alligned
scattered & confused
Is it true what they say?
Can it really never die?
I believe it.
I feel it.
For the moon can't shine.
without on the sun on her side
I feel it.
I never stopped.
Did you?

[may 16, 2009]

shine on baby, shine on

eyes open.
really seeing
for the first time in way too long
everything is fresh & bright
like I'm seeing it all for the first time
everything is new
but somehow...
I'm not scared
not in the least bit
No.
A new start.
A second chance.
Life is really
grand.
[for real this time guys]
but please
please
*hold your applause*
just a little time
and this girl could really
really
-shine-

[april 26, 2009]

little miss sunshine's in the clouds

falling slowly
not sure why or how
softly drifting
slipping away
something is off
I feel like an outsider
a silent spectator of my own life
confused
my head spins with whispered words
spoken in secret
the tick-tock of the clock deafens me
time does not seem to be on my side
yeah, yeah I know
everything changes
I'm fine
everything's fine
but who am I talking to?
convincing the world?
...or myself?