someday :)

There they sit.
Every Sunday in the same pew.
They don't move as fast as they once did and he
can't half hear the sermon
but there they sit.
His health is failing
but she's by his side.
She brings him his walker
and repeats the words that slip by; all with a smile.
It's there.
Anyone can see it.
It's in the moment when he reaches over and takes her hand in his.
She smiles quietly
just for the two of them.
They feel it.
They've felt it for fifty years
and they'll feel it tell the day they leave this earth.
But now they sit.
In the same pew every week .
He's nodding off during the sermon.
She just nudges him awake
smiling softly to herself.
They sneak glances at each other
like two teenagers on a first date.
They've been through hell and back together
and they've felt it all the way.
But for now they just sit
holding hands and sneaking glances.
They feel it.
We all see it.
and there they sit.

because I'm a dreamer.

The crisp autumn breeze plays with my curls
and sends a shiver to my soul
...or is it just the butterflies?
Trembling hands grasp bright reds, oranges, and yellows.
Voices everywhere hurrying red along.
Unlucky turned completely lucky.
Soft simple melodies fill the air.
The squeak of an old screen door
Gasps. Whispers. Smiling faces.
Think. Breathe. Right. Left.
Look up.
White sees black.
Green meets blue.
Red sighs. Step. Step.
Unclouded vision.
A crooked smile, a happy tear.
Soft feels rough.
Green on blue.
White with black.
Crooked smiles, shaky hands.
Broken circle, full circle.
I love you.
-home.-

too bad he'll never read it

It shouldn't be this hard. No one told me I would feel like this.
Almost 3 months later I should NOT be crying myself to sleep at night.
I'm young & female; I should be having the time of my life.
I'm not tied down. I'm free which is what I wanted all along.
So why the hell do I still love you?
Why the hell are you everywhere I turn?
Every song on my iPod, every tiny red sidekick, every goddamn thing I write
somehow you're still there.
You're sitting in the same room as I type this.
I can feel the tension
How can you pretend like nothing's wrong?
How do you walk by me like I'm just another passing stranger?
After everything that happened, how is it possible for you to feel nothing at all?!!
I'm sorry I just don't understand.
You were my best friend
My soulmate
You were my everything
I don't think it's possible for you to be my nothing
All I want to do is talk
I want to know what's going on in that steel-cage mind of yours
Please, I'm begging you.
Just hear me out.
Until then, I'll just sit back.
I'll give you your space.
Just know,
when I told you forever,
I meant it.

Not my words....

My heart was made of broken bones
My Soul's a bag of stick & stone
And out along this dusty road
You have come my love to take me home
I give to you my everything
You've given me this loving wings
And angels have all gathered round
to hear me sing my love out loud
You lightly lifted me away
Out of a darkness, cold & gray
And I work beneath the midday sun
My cool blue water you have come
I give to you my everything
You've given me these loving wings
And angels have all gathered round
to hear me sing my love out loud
So take your place here next to me
And I'll take my place here next to thee
An no matter how far we may roam
It's by your side I make my home
I give to you my everything
You've given me these loving wings
And angels have all gathered round
to hear me sing my love out loud
Oh...
---♥---
[Loving Wings- DMB]

like broken glass.

Something's not right.
Do you feel it too?
The balance is off.
The smiles aren't true.
Nothing feels right
around every damn corner
never ceasing reminders...
blue & green
too far apart
The sun turned his back on the moon.
The stars don't twinkle
like they did before
No longer alligned
scattered & confused
Is it true what they say?
Can it really never die?
I believe it.
I feel it.
For the moon can't shine.
without on the sun on her side
I feel it.
I never stopped.
Did you?

[may 16, 2009]

shine on baby, shine on

eyes open.
really seeing
for the first time in way too long
everything is fresh & bright
like I'm seeing it all for the first time
everything is new
but somehow...
I'm not scared
not in the least bit
No.
A new start.
A second chance.
Life is really
grand.
[for real this time guys]
but please
please
*hold your applause*
just a little time
and this girl could really
really
-shine-

[april 26, 2009]

little miss sunshine's in the clouds

falling slowly
not sure why or how
softly drifting
slipping away
something is off
I feel like an outsider
a silent spectator of my own life
confused
my head spins with whispered words
spoken in secret
the tick-tock of the clock deafens me
time does not seem to be on my side
yeah, yeah I know
everything changes
I'm fine
everything's fine
but who am I talking to?
convincing the world?
...or myself?

two look at...me?

They don’t write songs about this kind of story
They don’t tell you how you should feel
So many things kept quiet for so long
So long
So long simple path
Hello trail less traveled
Much less traveled
Only one set of footprints
Mine.
Other have been here
I am not all alone
Their footsteps brushed away
Buried in secret meetings in quiet corners
Phone conversations in hushed tones
I have no idea how I got here
So twisted up into tangles
Of guilt or relief?
Of sadness or utter joy?
A walking contradiction
It shouldn’t matter this much
Should it?
Maybe
Not
I think I’ll just
Keep walking
[Feb. 24, 2009]

when i should've been taking math notes.

i am.
i am alive and i am living.
i am an old soul.
i am a hopeless romantic.
i am surrounded by a marvelous "family".
i am in love. <3
i am completely & incandesantly happy.
i am an "amazon".
i am a dancer.
i am tired of hearing this woman going on & on about numbers.
i am longing for a snow day.
i am learning to chainsaw people in half.
i am obsessed with words.
i am NOT a morning person.
i am a flair addict.
i am a sexy sax. :P
i am queen saxamuphin!
i am in need of caffine.
i am here for him.
i am learning to relax.
i am going to perform more.
i am never going to give up on my dream.

to a new friend.

pure truth.
scary to most, needed by others
no clutter. no frills. no filler.
please.
just
flat
out
don't be afraid
for i am definitely not
the truth won't harm you
i promise
i won't let it
despite popular belief
i know
i really really believe
if you just let me in
the truth
will
set
you
f-r-e-e.

getting back to basics

and we walk.

hand in hand
down a path with no clear destination
today the sun warms our cheeks
smiling, we lace our fingers tighter
laughing at jokes from days past
I sneak shy glances into his sky blue eyes

and we walk.

tomorrow it may be raining
fingers loosely touching, if together at all
the space between us grows
words sharp like needles
eyes straight ahead
I sneek worried glances in his direction

and we walk.

as the clouds part
the smiles dance back across our lips
the empty space fills like the spaces between our fingers
I trip
He laughs

and we walk.

Knowing the sun can't hide for long
so we just smile
hand in hand
down a path with no clear destination
together

and we walk.

tick tock

time.
always to blame
for bringing us closer
but mainly for driving us apart
it doesn't have to be that way
we don't all have to fall into the same category
"oh, the honeymoon stage is over..."
hell yes it is and i'm glad!
time has brought me:
a best friend
a secret keeper
a plan
happiness
a family
love
oh how is has brought me love
more than i could've ever imagined
yes time could drive us all apart
but in the end
i think it knows what its doing

i'm back

sleep.
my enemy.
but only on nights like this
a necessary evil
always alluding me- just beyond my grasp
so cold & empty
like a piece is missing
a very critical part of the equation
my favorite part
the only way I will truely be warm
truely allow myself to slip
deep into the dark grasp of my nemesis
only that grasp would be more of a hug
if only
if only
I was falling asleep where I was meant to be
wrapped in your arms.