tick tock

time.
always to blame
for bringing us closer
but mainly for driving us apart
it doesn't have to be that way
we don't all have to fall into the same category
"oh, the honeymoon stage is over..."
hell yes it is and i'm glad!
time has brought me:
a best friend
a secret keeper
a plan
happiness
a family
love
oh how is has brought me love
more than i could've ever imagined
yes time could drive us all apart
but in the end
i think it knows what its doing

i'm back

sleep.
my enemy.
but only on nights like this
a necessary evil
always alluding me- just beyond my grasp
so cold & empty
like a piece is missing
a very critical part of the equation
my favorite part
the only way I will truely be warm
truely allow myself to slip
deep into the dark grasp of my nemesis
only that grasp would be more of a hug
if only
if only
I was falling asleep where I was meant to be
wrapped in your arms.

To whom it may concern...

Okay, so there's this girl. She is awesome, hillarious, a complete spaz, and is constantly running in thirty different directions. Every now and then, she comes up for air. She lets all of those who love her dearly know that she is still alive, and doesn't have any more gaping holes, or wierd diseases. Occasionally, she shows her face, but usually, she is incommunicato. She has this tendancy to vanish from the face of the earth, and fly under the radar for months at a time. Then, all of a sudden, she reappears breifly. Any way, I was hoping that you, in your infinite wisdom and expertice, could maybe help me get in touch with the vanishing girl commenly known as Ryann Leigh Mason. If so, please post her info on my blog. Mille grazi-
ACE
<3

think about it.

Do you feel it?
Not everyone can.
It’s everywhere.
At least, it should be.
Encircling everything and holding it close.
Like a warm breeze off of the sea.
In the embrace of a new mother.
On a shoulder, wet from tears.
In two hands, though wrinkled and worn in by time, holding strong throughout the years.
In the groom’s eyes when he sees her coming toward him.
In the kiss, long since overdue.
Coming from the mouth of a singer who has lost it.
Or found it.
In the laughter of a family gathered together
Or the chatter of friends in a coffee house corner.
It comes in many shapes and sizes.
In gestures and words
Sometimes you don’t even realize that it’s there
But it is, oh it always is
It’s passed from person to person
Unfortunately it’s not always returned
But luckily it never runs out
You can never run out
It is patient
Kind
And kind of amazing
It can make you see stars
Or want to jump off of a bridge
But remember, never shut it out
Drink it in like southern style iced tea in august
It cares not for age or gender
And you can’t help who you see it in
But it’s really the fact that you see it that’s important
Never let anyone tell you otherwise
It will change your life
Eventually for the better
And when it does
When you see it in their eyes
You will never
EVER
Be the same
So go on now
Get yourself out there
Don’t be shy
Go on and spread the
l-o-v-e

[Ry 6-9-08]

Now You're really REALLY dead!

Okay an airplane is believable.
A car, alright I buy it.
A rollercoaster? come on someone was running out of ideas
but a RACECAR CRASH???!!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!
.....sadly i will undoubtedly be sitting there at midnight when it is released....wow

"Lorelai: I'm sorry. But after you almost get killed on a plane and on the freeway, why would you choose to go on a terrifying roller coaster?
Rory: Oh, boy.
Lorelai: I mean, at that point, just stay home, right?
Rory: It's a horror movie!
Lorelai: Yes, but it doesn't make any sense!
Rory: It's not supposed to make sense. It's supposed to make you sick.
Lorelai: Fine, whatever. I'm heading over to the inn, do you want to come hang?
Rory: No, I got to run some errands, I'll meet you there later.
Lorelai: All right, but watch out that a street light doesn't accidentally break off, swing down and decapitate you!
Rory: Will do.
Lorelai: I mean, why even bother calling it Final Destination 3? At that point just call it "Now you're really, really, really dead!"
Rory (makes a phone with her fingers: Hello, Hollywood? Boy, have I got a pitch for you!"

Life In Motion.

The purest most revealing photos are not the one's where everyone is smiling [even if they don't want to] and the colors are coordinated to jump out at you as you view it. No. I believe the most revealing pictures are those in which the colors have been stripped away to nothing but black & white and where no one is posing like they are being forced. My favorite pictures are those that are just snapped when no one is looking. It's literally like a snapshot of life, life still being lived, life still in motion.
This photo here for instance is one of my favorites. The girl has her hand on her hip and her head cocked playfully to one side. She could be lecturing him for being late but she obviously can't focus on what she is saying; just look at the sile on her face. And I love the look on the boy's face. His smile seems to be what is distracting the girl from her lecture. His simple smile seems to be saying, "Just shut up and kiss me!" The love in his eyes is apparent even through his shades. Life obviously did not stop & wait for this picture to be taken.

A Response To Hairspray

I agree with June-O,
What exactly is it about smells that link your thoughts to so many memories?
Just one sniff can make you feel things, make you think things, make you remember.
For example:
-My old dance teacher had this gel; it was pink and in this massive jar, and she always used it to keep her students' buns in perfect order. Whenever I smell the very distinct smell of this gel, I always get goose-bumps and I remember the pain white walls of the dressing rooms of my first ever dance recital. It was the middle of December and the only heat in the tiny dressing rooms was a tiny space heater. I was wearing a full body spandex candy-cane costume [not providing any warmth] and I was having my hair plastered to my head. I had never danced on stage before and I had a SOLO! I was nervous but...it was a good nervous. All of this because of a pink gel!!!
-Another is the smell of the hallways at my school. It always reminds me of my friends and all of the ridiculous stories that have come from those hallways.
A few more...
-Black TAG reminds me of my husband and the feeling of his arms around me. It reminds me stealing his jacket and falling asleep with it still on like a school girl right out of the movies.
-The smell of Mt. Dew/ Coffee makes me think about my amazing friends & "family" and the ridiculous shinanigans we get into when we are under the influence of said drinks
-Chanel No. 5 reminds me of my mom getting dressed up on sunday morning
-Lavender reminds me of my Mammy. It is her favorite smell so her house is always filled with lavender everything. She's spray it on our pillows to make us sleep better and mix it with sugar to put on our vanilla ie cream.
-Lagerfeld colgne reminds me of my dad getting ready with my mom on Sunday morning. Mainly of them dancing around my kitchen with no music on Easter Sunday.
---These are just a few example of how smells connect your mind to..well...everything---
{{{may 10, 2008}}}
-

A side of corn with that cheese?

you.
you don't realize, do you?
how much you mean to me.
you are SO humble,
so perfect.
to me, you really are everything
everyday you never cease to amaze me.
the way you can read my thoughts
[sure, blame the chip]
my feelings
even when I don't say a word.
almost a year later
I "should" be getting tired of you
longing for the single life.
ha. ha.
quite the opposite actually.
instead of dying out
the flame is burning brighter than ever.
when we lock eyes from across the room
I still get butterflies
I still see fireworks
mirroring those of our first kiss
my heart actually hurts when you're not with me
[corny, but true]
the best feeling
is when your arms are around me
I feel so safe
yet so alive
just like this
you, me. us, together
forever & a day
{{{may 7, 2008}}}

Come Away With Me

What if?
What if we could?
Just go.
Run.
Drive.
Away.
Just like on the silver screen.
Away from everything.
From parents, rules, drama,
Just start over.
Screw rationality.
And playing it safe.
Oh so tired of
"If only...'s"
Don't you ever just want to run?
To just keep running & never look back?
I'll be there.
No matter what, I'll be right by your side.
double pinky-promise :)
Until then
I don't mind
[as long as you're with me]
Waiting.
{{{may 8, 2008}}}

Come on Mr. Webster.

He smiles.
I smiles.
He gives me that look.
He knows the one.
The one that sees right through me
Right down to the depths of my being.
He knows me.
Better than anyone I've ever known.
He can tell what I'm thinking.
Even when I don't want him to.
It's absolutely horrible
and absolutley amazing.
Even if I'm not saying a word
He knows.
I swear he can read minds.
Or at least mine.
Like we're on the same wave length or something.
Words?
Someone please invent a word for this!
This completely compatible descriptionless weirdness.
But for now,
I think I'll just call it
love.

He knows.

Bodies moving in time to the music
Bits of conversations bounce off the walls around me
The room is full.
Yet I'm all alone.
Or am I?
I see him from across the sea of people.
He doesn't realize,
but I watch him.
Trace his edges with my eyes.
He feels it.
He raises his gaze to meet mine.
Souls interwined.
The world melts away.
He smiles.
And I realize,
I am not alone.
Not even in the most vague defintion of the word.
Oh, I hope he knows,
neither is he.
---Ry 4-13-08---

Notes From A Wall-Flower

People watching. One of my favorite activities. Sixteen years spent quietly observing. Not just observing but learning. I've learned quite a lot.
Number One: PEOPLE ARE STUPID.
They think they are so smart and will give others advice until the cows come home but, as soon as the tables are turned,
as soon as the spot light's on them
they are completely clueless.
Somthing else I've learned:
PEOPLE CONTROL THEIR OWN HAPPINESS.
And that scares the ba-jesus out of some.
The weak ones.
Usually, they know exactly what will make them happy but, refuse tolet themselves have it. Negativity is their biggest downfall.
In a twisted way it comforts them.
"Oh! My life is so horrible!" [it gets attention doesn't it?]
Your life is horrible, huh?
Are you a starving child in a third world country?
Are you terminally ill?
Are you homeless in a Russian Winter?
NO!
So for Christ's sake, smile a little!
No one cares to join your pitty party anyways.
The last I've learned from people watching is by far the most important.
I have found the solution to...well almost any problem
It clears minds and brings the greatest happiness possibly imaginable.
the answer is [whether cliche or not]
love.
As soon as a person falls in love,
not shallow high school lust,
but raw true love,
the world suddenly makes sense.
BUT with this great understanding comes one major drawback.
Certain people will claim that you are changing.
They'll speak in quiet whispers when they think you can't hear.
You think, what would cause them to be so shallow and negative?
jealousy.
Pure unadulterated jealousy.
They really need to open their minds and shut their mouths.
[they sound petty and immature anyways]
Just wait, they'll see. One day. [If they ever get over themselves.]
Which brings us back to point A:
PEOPLE ARE STUPID.
It's amazing how much you learn when you open your mind,
close your mouth and most importantly,
open your heart.
---Ry 4-13-08---

the window.

Rays of sun taunt me through the classroom window.
It takes my mind in a million differen directions.
Anywhere but Europe and it's history.
It takes me to a room full of the warm rich sounds of jazz being played by teenage musicians with nothing better to do.
It takes me behind the wheel of a car, one the color of the ripest summer oranges.
It wanders then to a tiny room filled with music and laughter. Of friends and lunches on foam trays.
My eyes view longingly upon the warm spring morning outside the classroom window.
My thoughts float off on the soft warm breeze.
It wanders to a very conscious walk through a parking lot. To the moment young lovers lock eyes.
To his soft warm smile that melts her completely.
My mind continues to drift further away from Austrian railroads and Russian Czars.
Off to questions asked with a nervous smile that she can't wait to say yes to.
To asking left or right, laughing over loud music with the windows down.
Back to blue eyes whispering "i love you" soft in her ear.
As the warm spring sunlight distacts my thoughts, I sit contemplating life and whether it's as bad as they say.
I think I disagree.
Thanks dumb distracting window :)

Dear Wild Child [A note to my past]

Dear Wild Child,
1-BREATHE! don't take everything so seriously, things will work out, I promise
2-Listen to your friends. They know you & they are usually right when they say you are being a dumbass.
3-DO NOT let people walk all over you. Make yourself be heard.
4- Don't give in to their petty drama. Standup for yourself, even if you are standing alone.
5-Never EVER give up on your dreams. Don't let anyone tell you what to do.
6-Be your own person. Don't conform to what's cool. You're NOT cool. You're bizarre & weird. Trust me WEIRD IS GOOD!!! [these traits will come in later, I swear]
7-Listen to your mother. She is almost ALWAYS right about...well everything.
8-Never believe Andrew when he says he is moving.
9-Don't be jealous of Aaren when the world ends for her first. TRUST ME!
10-Do NOT let Ace move to JF. Chain her to a pole if you have to! (jk)
11-i know all you can think about right now is the thought of love. [being the closet hopeless romantic that you are] and all i have to say is CHILL! don't go looking for love. it WILL find you. I promise. You will find your first true love in the form of a boy with eyes the color of the summer sky. When you do find love, it will be the greatest most amazing feeling you will EVER experience, so BREATHE. don't waste so much energy on attracting the opposite sex. the right guy IS out there. You just hve to be patient.
12- Be more Patient.
13- [the most important] EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Don't worry so much about the small things. They really won't matter in the long run.
--All in all just be yourself, life doesn't turn out as bad as you think it will---
Love, You [future tense]

Just Fly.

Wild Child.
Born to run...or was I?
Am I destined to fall?...
To fall and not be caught?
Or maybe born to hide.
I'm good at hiding.
I'm not good at being found.
Maybe the wild one doesn't need to be caught.
Maybe she's meant to keep running...
No, not running....flying.
She's meant to fly.
Born to fly.
To fly to wherever the warm summer breeze decides to take her.
She flies.
Don't stop.
Don't ever stop.
Just keep flying.
Waiting.
Not on someone to catch her.
No.
For the one who can fly fast enough.
Who?
She doesn't know.
She'll know.
But for now, she just keeps flying.
I just keep flying.
Flying.
Flying.
Into the sun.
[West--Summer of 2006]

Rainy Monday.

Bitter raindrops fall from dreary gray clouds, rolling down my cheeks like tears cried at a wave goodbye.
I don't notice though.
I'm lost once again in a dream of the day.
A dream of ocean breezes and salty sweet air.
Of soul-shaking laughter and sand between my toes.
Why should I let myself fall captive to the gloomy world around me when in my dreams I'm chillin' with the most awesomely ridiculous soul sisters a girl could ask for?
Oh, and don't forget the best looking boy on the beach, playfully stealing a kiss in the warm summer sunshine.
Sure, the world outside my window is dreary, but no one said I have to agree.
Until the sun decides to reappear and chase away this damn rain,
I'm perfectly content just laying here in my own little world.
A Day Dream Believer.

an ugly piece of the past

"Driv'n down the dirt road surrounded by trees of gold.
It's fall in the country and it feels like I'm runnin' away from the world, away from my troubles, far from my worries and fears. It's fall in the country and I'm runnin' from the world. Yeah, it's fall in the country and I'm running from the world. Driv'n down the dirt road surrounded by trees of gold. I'm watchin' the world go by, from my cloud in the sky. It's fall in the country and it feels like I'm runnin' away from the world, away from my troubles, away from my worries and fears. It's fall in the country and I'm runnin' from the world. Yeah' it's fall in the country and I'm runnin' from the world.
Driv'n down the dirt road surrounded by trees of gold."

[Horrible song written by 11 year old Ryann]

his song.

Love, take my hand.
Let's get away we don't need anybody else, now
'Cause I know that you're here to stay.
And those kiss me blue eyes, yeah, they're makin' my heart race.
Let's disappear.
I doubt that Bedford will miss us.
Far away from here.
Don't you dare look back it'll be just you and me
us together
I feel more alive with each look that you give me
I can't wait to spend forever
Just livin' this love song
You me us together

Boy, can't you see,
When you're not around I kinda go cRaZy.
No matter what, forever I'll be
right by your side and there's no way I'm leaving.
Please believe me
when I say I love you more
than you will ever know.
I pinky swear
it'll be just you and me us together
I feel more alive with each look that you give me
And I can't wait to spend forever
just livin' this love song
You me us together
You me us together
Yeah you me us
together.

Las Estrellas [semi-oldish]

Shooting stars.
Dart across a vast sky of inky blackness
Though not nearly as vast as what we have
Down here on planet earth
Chilled hands clasped together tightly
Against the brisk night air
Bodies pressed close
Sheltering each other from the outside world
So close I hear our hearts
Beating
Beating
Together in time
The rest of the world slips away
Just us
And the stars
Every single one shining just as bright
As your eyes
On this frosty December night.

across the room.

Slyly glancing across the room in that general direction
from my spot across the room.
Across the room there is a boy, almost a man.
He doesn't notice...but I watch him.
He's tall and very thin. His wavy brown hair falls lazily across his eyes.
He does that sexy hair flip thing that he does.
He really doesn't realize it does he?
The eyes are the window to the soul.
And he has the most beautiful soul I've ever seen.
There's this very laid back calm thing feeling surrounding him.
Like the ocean, just moving wherever the world takes him.
Still so strong and willing to stand up for his beliefs/those he loves
even if he's standing alone.
Suddenly, I realize I'm staring like a young school girl...again.
I quickly drop my gaze to the floor but then I can't resist to raise it again.
Our eyes lock and he gives me that playful half-smile that he does.
The one that says everything I ever needed to hear.
Ugh...
that smile demolishes me in one swift blow-
my mind, reduced to a babbling simmer of incoherant feelings/words/sounds.
As his gaze changes direction I continue to stare.
I realize now, more than ever....
that is my soulmate over there.
The love of my life is right there-
Across The Room.

besome.

Breathless.

My mind.
Blank.
Every part of me.
Every nerve ending, every cell
feels ALIVE!!!
Everything I say comes out either mumbled and incoherant
or completely retarded.
I try to take a step and I almost fall on my face.
SO...
I can't breathe.
I can't think.
I can't talk.
I can't move.
"Are you dying?" you may ask.
No.
Quite the opposite actually.
The cause of my symptoms is quite simple really.
It's all because
that gorgeous boy
with eyes that envy the blue of the summer sky
that amazing, incredible, intelligent, gorgeous boy
kissed
me.

I am electric.

A warm summer breeze brushes my cheek.
Happy shivers dance down my spine
Sparks hit every nerve ending
I am electric.
Feelings equivalent to when he gently brushes my cheek
Barely
Almost accidental
His bright blue eyes sparkling brighter than the sun above
Our fingers intertwined like our souls
I lean close and whisper, barely audible
"Soy tuya para siempre."
He smiles and shakes his head for the language is not his own
I smile and look to the sky
Knowing even in another language the truth is there
"I am yours forever."
Unfortunatly words, in any language, are not sufficient
No.
There aren't words.
No words passionate enough
Big enough
Infinite enough
Incredible enough
They simply are not enough to describe how I feel around him.
Maybe one day
Maybe I will find a way to show him exactly how much he means to me.
Until then I'll just live.
Live in utter electric perfection
Shivery warmness
Like a random kiss on my shoulder
A warm summer breeze brushes my cheek
I am electric.

Aloha!

Ello there! welcome to my spot....no touching :)